so for awhile now, I’ve been struggling with just about every fucking thing. the only things I’ve been able to do consistently are those I’ve adopted into my routine months ago. deviations from that are far and few between. I have this awful attitude towards everything.
I don’t want to do anything.
it’s not even that I don’t want to do it, it’s that I mentally CAN’T. like there’s some fucking billion-brick blockade in my brain that keeps me from changing.
is it fear of change, rejection, work, what, WHAT THE FUCK. do I blame my parents??? seems to work for celebrities!
today’s typical psychologist/drug pusher would simply say: “change your attitude, with these magic pills! and come pay, er uh, see me once a week for the next 6-12 months”
I don’t want to take drugs anymore. NO MORE DRUGS. I want to be…..ME.
who the fuck thought it was a good idea to fill people’s heads with the concept that we should always be happy. always be pretty. always be excited. (dr. phil, I’m lookin at you) frankly, it’s inhuman. and it depresses the living fuck out of me. the only people who achieve this floaty fake reality on a regular basis are drug addicts and ignorant idiots. and I swear, 90% of society is among them.
…I sure hope moving my ass out of Chico helps…
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