I think I’ve been pretty unlucky in love in my relatively short lifetime.
it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
or so they say… does that apply when neither person has ceased loving one another, and the reason for separation is beyond concensus? blah.
…my dear Jeanie; I love her so very dearly, so tenderly when given the opportunity. oh she loves me in return… passion ignites us aflame when we permit ourselves… which sadly brings me to now. she has decided, she has to stop loving me…. in the way it is to love someone beyond friend’s. she.has.to.stop.. she’s been talking about it for weeks… and has not been able to… and her attempts have hurt me. she’s known I can’t, and also quite possibly that I’ve been past fooling myself into it for weeks. for you see: I do not want to stop loving this wonderful woman.
torturously tonight, she has done her darnedest to make it official - the stamp of ‘no more contact’ has been pressed into our hearts…… like a wax seal with a beautifully elaborate emblem somehow shining bright silvery light in a symbol only recognizable as SJS… a midevil envelop seals her true feelings inside. but the heat of summer is coming. and it will be hot, will the envelop be left by a window… will it slowly melt away and become one with the contents inside? oh beautiful imagery, how you tease my hopelessly romantic heart.
in time…she will call me, reach out to me whenever it is her self appointed dues have been paid… I said to her “can’t be too soon” as if I agreed with her mind boggling decision to bury our tendernesses. when…in actuality, I meant “could not be soon enough.”
I am both confounded and yet apparently entranced by her apparent absoluteness. am I attracted to this sort of conflicted girl? all signs appear to point to yes.. hense, my luck, and my continual pain.
I think I have been heartbroken more years than not.. that is, since I first learned what love is. naturally, I am much stronger than then, but that is of no solice now. a perpetual wound no band-aid can sooth or keep from infection. my life will go on. solitude is my companion.
how much more of this can I endure before I don the white tuxedo with no arms? nothing but bright white light and padded sound proof walls…
it’s 2:05… and my body is about to give up. in a matter of hours, as the last sweet echos of my beloved’s voice fade from my head, my life will be absolute hell… for I must go on, and on, and on….
Post a Comment